Heartbreak

Shattered, distorted… a pain that even makes it hard to breathe. Is this a test? Is this my fire? Why a fire that feels so familiar? Instead of a new one? Why do I feel like I’m losing everyone that I hold so close? So I can’t keep them close? Because the moment they are close…. they have to leave?

Why? Why God? Why? I don’t understand why heartbreak is part of the fire… Why there needs to be such tragic pain and mourning for there to be joy in the end. Do I only learn through pain? Did you make me this way? Everything in me feels like it is falling apart, while the outside has to pretend to be all together. Lord, hear my inaudible cry, hear the pain I can’t describe.

No more! I was never taught to fight sitting down… I was taught to fight through the fire, with every scar I already carry, along with your scars. I carry those too… I carry the scars of the King who decided to die for a stubborn, spoiled princess who cries every time things don’t go right for her.

As Paul says, we share in your suffering, I just don’t understand why. When a God who went through the most excruciating sacrifice this world has ever seen so that we wouldn’t have to, still wants us to share in it. Like the saying goes “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone”. We appreciate freedom more when we’ve gone through pain and slavery.