I've stood at the edge of dissapointment on a constant basis because people disappointed me and I blamed God for it... I watched you fall.... every step you took towards darkness broke me piece by piece. I couldn't do or say anything to stop you, and that's still my greatest torment. Why did I have to be a witness to your destruction? The moment you gave up the fight... I gave up hope I placed expectations on a human being that can only be met by a God... I kept thinking that only you could keep me off that edge but that was never your place I made you into an idol. One that I could run to when I needed a physical representation of love. The moment you chose your desire over your calling was the moment that my dependency on you was greatly evident I fell along with you... My hope, my dreams, My desires all became shattered the instant I thought I lost you. My world collapsed on itself... and every perfect scenario that had God laced all over it, all of a sudden was submerged in darkness. What once seemed possible.... became completely impossible. I needed to grieve a death.... not your death, But the death of an idol I created in you. I forgot that no matter how much I could love or fight for someone, the only one that carries the title of savior is Jesus.... He will leave the 99 for the one. His love for the one will transform them... my love for the one could destroy me because it becomes obsession to control God had to allow my world to collapse because it was built on sand. If He wouldn't have allowed chaos to enter and destroy the idols I had built... I would have destroyed myself... I am now a mourner.... I mourn the loss of what I created with my own hands. I mourn the person I thought I was. I mourn the season of destruction and chaos I've endured. But I mostly mourn my expectations and dissapoinments... As I mourn.... I will wait for your return...not to my arms but to His.... "I have SEEN his ways, but I will HEAL him; I will LEAD him and RESTORE COMFORT to him and his MOURNERS, creating the fruit of the lips. PEACE, PEACE, to the far and to the near," says the Lord , "and I will HEAL him." Isaiah 57:18-19 ESV